"What’s going on inside of you, Jay? What are you afraid of? You’ve got a chance to change everything. Take it. This is about more than just surfing. This is about choices you make in life. This is about finding that one thing that sets you free. You need to believe in yourself or none of this matter"- Chasing Mavericks
No one ever tells you how hard it will be to leave something that you love...whether it be a person, job, or sport no one tells you the truth or they do not know the truth. When I left my comfort zone of a team and a sport that I loved and entered the real world, I made the mistake of thinking that everything could stay the same.
By this I mean that I thought I would have the same comfort of a team and that I could still train as hard as I did in college. Well, the real world taught me really fast, that those days are over and that if I try to do real world things AND all the things I used to do, I will run myself into the ground. It was no one's fault but my own that I drove myself into a saddened state where I could not find happiness anywhere.
I was chaining myself to the past and what was or maybe chaining myself to a false future on what I thought "should be." But after reconnecting with some valuable friends of mine I soon realized that I need to unchain myself and be free. In order to do this, I needed to find what would set me free- which is a challenge in itself. I was too stubborn for a long time to admit that I was not happy and too stubborn to try and discover something else that might make me happy.
I am still searching...but I think that I am very close. I have realized that the memories of my past and the moments of competing are still here with me- they have not gone anywhere. I have realized that I have a very bright future and it can go anywhere- Initially, I only saw a narrow road but when I opened my eyes I saw that there were multiple wide roads to travel. Not everything has to be planned, not everything has to have an answer, not everything has to go right...
The other day I rushed out of work to get in a quick run before the sun went down. I was in such a rush that I forgot my watch. My initial reaction was to race back to my apartment and grab my watch so that I could time myself. But then, I looked at the sunset and it was just so pretty and calling me towards it that I just said, "Screw the watch." And you know what? It was the best run I ever had. I don't know how long or how far that I went and I don't care.
The best part about my life right now is that I have a great past as a foundation for an awesome future that I have NO CLUE about...I would LIKE to compete in a triathlon next year, I would LIKE to find a boyfriend soon, I would LIKE to continue to find success in my job but none of this is for sure. Things always change in life. But one thing is for sure and that is LIVING- the act of LIVING is just being alive and not chaining myself to wants, needs, wishes, or desires. These are all idols and are dead things.
Like I said the first day I started this, once I fall I ALWAYS get back up. So here I am today, picking myself back up. Watch out world, Alexa is on both feet again. Will you join me in standing up and unchaining yourself from whatever is holding you back?
Sorry about the length...but I needed to say it. I love you guys.
